If I have to hear this term "Rescue Dog" one more time, I might have to straight up bite someone's face off. What is this shit? Is this what we've come to as a civilization? Fuck the homeless! Fuck the starving people in third world countries! Apparently we've decided to bank all of our moral self-esteem on adopting stray dogs now. And it's such a transparent way of declaring, "Look at me world! Aren't I a wonderful person!?" "It's a Rescue Dog!" A Rescue Dog, huh? Does it still lick its balls and eat disgusting shit like a normal dog? Yeah? Well then shut the fuck up, because I don't care.
I've had two dogs. My first, Patrick, was a spastic little fucker that I got from the pound. My second dog was Curly. I got her from this girl that I worked with who had somehow been saddled with the dog from its former owner and she needed to get rid of it. I suppose if I hadn't taken Curly, she would have ended up at the pound as well. But I never thought of either of my dogs as "Rescue Dogs" and I never stopped to give myself a nice smug pat on the ass for taking them in. They were just my dogs. I hugged them and they licked my face. That used to be enough.
But now we have this term "Rescue Dog." The wording itself bothers me. Why is it that every time someone adds an obnoxious piece of flotsam to the public lexicon like this, they have to screw around with the grammar like they're trying to tongue-fuck the English language? Technically, shouldn't it be a "Rescued Dog"? I hear "Rescue Dog", and I picture some pooch doing a ride along with the paramedics. Even worse is when they say, "It's a Rescue." Listen, I know you think you sound like a cute, but you're coming off as totally asshole.
And, on top of that, I don't care for this manner of labeling the dog. Why should the fact that you got it from the shelter define the dog? Would you call an adopted child a "Rescue Person" for the rest of their life, like they weren't a normal human being? My wife speculated that it might be a kind of snotty code word for rich people to explain to their friends why they didn't get a pure bred dog. Yeah, I could see that. "Oh no, I wasn't being cheap when I picked up this trashy mutt; I was being a noble, generous, person. You see, it's a Rescue Dog!" "Ohhhhhh, well that's alright then. Shall we go bathe in the caviar?"
Anyway, it's gotta go. All these "Rescue Dogs" and "Forever Homes." It's like there's some sort of cult of dog owners forming right under my nose. Don't people just have pets anymore? And what about my cats? Don't I get credit for "rescuing" them, or does no one give a shit? And what if a bird falls from a tree and no one is around to hear it? What if you have one bird in your hand and two in the bush? What's the exchange rate there? *sigh* I'm so confused.